From Unicorn to Human

Coláiste Feirste, Y9
31st January 2023

Illustration by Niamh Scullion​​

“Well lads, what’s happening, this is Jimmy the unicorn from Ballymurphy. Today, I’ll be telling youse about my life. I’m 6”7’ and very romantic. My greatest wish is to become a human because I’m terrified of horses. However, I got framed for robbing a bank but really I was trying to stop the Hooligan Hooves, who are a horse gang centred in Ballymurphy. The police are racist against unicorns and the Hooligan Hooves bribed them to frame me. I went into hiding in the hills.

"Up in the hills, I met John, and we quickly became friends. John has glasses that give him laser eyes, but his legs don’t work ever since the Hooligan Hooves paralysed him from the waist down when he saw them committing a crime. I had no idea that the police had thrown a tracker on me as I was galloping away, until they came up to the house and arrested me and sent me to prison. I spent a few days in a claustrophobic cell, and everybody in the other cells laughed because they’d never seen a unicorn in jail before. My girlfriends bailed me out for £100,000. The charges were dropped when John showed up with CCTV from the bank robbery. With the bail money returned, I paid for John to have surgery on his legs.

"I went back to my hut, leaving the ladies behind, I love them, but I had to leave them. John sent me a letter to come round to his house, but when I got there, the Hooligan Hooves had John hostage, threatening to break his legs again unless I help them turn into humans as well using a unicorn potion created by my dad who was a chemistry teacher. The Hooligan Hooves didn’t know that the cure only worked on unicorns…”